Losing the Fights in Your Relationship
... But Winning The War
Fights, disagreements, differences in opinion, or whatever you want to call them are going to happen in your relationship. If you’ve never experienced a fight in your relationship, then just stay in it a little longer. It’ll happen sooner rather than later.
And it doesn’t matter whether you “win” or “lose” the fight, as long as you win the war. Of course when you are at war, there has to be an enemy, right? So, who is your enemy? Your enemy is not your spouse or significant other. In fact, your enemy is rarely even a person at all.
Sponsored Ads
Looking For Singles To Date? Try Loveawake Dating SIte
But sometimes it’s not easy to see it that way. In the heat of the moment, it can feel like your spouse is your enemy. If not, then why are they shooting those verbal missiles at you? Loveawake says fights are not necessary in marriage. The article makes the point that “married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree,” but they don’t need to fight.
I agree, and believe one reason couples “come to blows” is because they’ve lost sight of the big picture. They’ve lost sight of the enemy they are fighting. In addition to the “fair fight guidelines,” YourTango says to prevent fights, couples need to have a relationship war plan.
Planning to avoid fights and win in your relationship:
One of my favorite quotes is: “If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.” This applies 100 percent to marriage and relationships. So, if you have failed to have a relationship war plan, you may be setting your relationship up for failure.
By now you’re probably asking: “What exactly is a relationship war plan?” To put it simply, it’s a plan to beat anything that will prevent you from having a lasting, fulfilling, and loving relationship. It’ll keep you focused on the big picture of winning the war, even if you have to lose some fights.
Here is a relationship “war” plan you can use:
1. Know your enemy
If you don’t know who you are fighting, or better yet, who you are not fighting, then you can’t win. As you read earlier, your spouse is not your enemy, no matter what it seems. The first part of your plan has to begin with knowing your spouse is on your side.
2. Disagreements don’t have to equal fights
I’ve never been in any relationship of any kind where we’ve agreed on everything. At some point you will disagree. You disagreed with your parents, you disagreed with your best friend, you disagreed with our teacher, your boss, and plenty more people. Just because you committed and said I do doesn’t mean you’ll always say “I do agree with you” on everything. Learn to accept this and find out how to discuss your differences.
3. Realize disagreements can make your relationship stronger
Your disagreements can be good for your marriage. By embracing them, learning from them, and even celebrating them, your relationship can come out on the other side better. You can win the war together.
So maybe you’ve had some fights and things didn’t result in what you wanted. You lost the “fight.” That’s okay — just remember you are fighting for something bigger. You are trying to win the war and have a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
How do you prevent fights in your relationship?